Technicolor Raincoat
by Burnt Taco
Summary: This is the, more or less, diary of a satyr named Grover. A satyr with a special raincoat, a Technicolor Raincoat. What does said Technicolor Raincoat do? Find out that and more, in these pixalated words...  A collaboration with Julie-O!
1. Los Tres Amigos Calvos

Technicolor Raincoat

Chapter 1

Los Tres Amigos Calvos

If you're reading this and you own a Technicolor raincoat… KEEP READING! Don't believe whatever lie your 27, or so, parents have told you; the truth is you got your Technicolor raincoat on sale. AT A THRIFT STORE! (Authors': understand that most of the half bloods stay with their one biological human parent, thus we decided to make fun of that by saying twenty seven or so parents. Carry on now.) If you just happen to be a normal kid who doesn't own a Technicolor raincoat and is reading this, YOU NEED TO GO OUT A BUY ONE! If you can recognize yourself in these pixilated words, if you feel something stirring inside, you may just need to eat a tin can; but if you look down and you see hairy animal legs (preferably goat legs), you MIGHT be one of us… A satyr that is, but if you look down and you see sheep legs then you are a COMPLETELY different species; and once you know the truth about yourself it's only a matter of time before they (the Scandinavian goat-eaters) will hunt you down and eat your gall bladder. Don't say I didn't warn you.

My name is Grover Underwood. I'm 28 years old. Until a few months ago my skin was clear a baby's bottom. I am known to be part of the elite race of super-human beings called the satyrs. Am I a satyr? Yeah, you could say that.

* * *

><p>I sat in my friend Percy's car; by the way he's a half blood. Percy, his mom, and I were going places to do things that were confidential… Between me and Percy… And his mom… I was beginning to doze off when Percy attempted small talk,<p>

"Grover, what are you anyway? Half donkey?" I felt my cheeks grow hot at this comment, so I retorted,

"First of all, I am half GOAT not DONKEY, and secondly you have no right to talk he who is bald!" A few weeks ago when we were changing for Phys. Ed. Percy's hair began to fall off, and I mean half way off his head fall off, not just shoved to the side a bit fall off. I hypothesized that he was born bald and wore a wig. I myself am bald as well but I wear a Rasta cap, not a silly old wig like Percy; but anyway that's beside the point. We were sitting in the car when out of nowhere there came a bunny rabbit, a cute, smiling, happy bunny rabbit. I'm sure you've read Percy's side of the story. He over exaggerates… A lot… What had hopped in front of our path was NOT a Minotaur but a rabbit, a bunny rabbit, mind you. Percy's mom had accidentally ran it over and we began to swerve all over the place because the bunny guts had gotten into the tires of her car. Percy may have believed that he had gotten that Minotaur horn from his fight to-the-death with a REAL Minotaur, but truth be told he got it from the gift store down the block. I was the one who got the really authentic souvenirs, firstly, I put the bunny guts around my neck in a necklace sort of fashion; then, I made the bones into a crude pan flute (Authors': is that why he sucks at playing?) Lastly, I put the remainders inside of Percy the bald one's suit case, I still hadn't gotten over his donkey comment. Thank goodness we weren't rooming together… Soon after the car started running again, we replaced the bunny gut tires with new non-bunny gut tires, we began our journey to confidential places; but it seemed that we had missed some of the guts and swerved into a deciduous tree, where we all passed out. When I had awoken Percy's mother had vanished leaving Percy to freak out; together Percy and I wandered until we found civilization in the uncharted territory of Montauk. That's where we found Camp Half Blood, our safe haven; I had to drag Percy there because he had a panic attack and passed out once more, his weight caused me to keel over and faint as well.

* * *

><p>When I woke up I was confused by my surroundings; I was in a forest, a dense, dense forest, but there was one problem. Everything in the forest was poo-brown; even the leaves of the trees. The only exception was this one shrub that I could see from the corner of my eye using my peripheral vision; it was puke-green. From out of the puke-green shrub came an equally puke-green nymph; she was absolutely gorgeous with her flowing green mullet and handlebar moustache. It was the first time I had seen real hair since I last saw Percy's mom. The nymph then continued to shove something into my mouth, it had looked like a brownie but after I began to chew I realized that it tasted like manure; quite delicioso if you ask me.<p>

* * *

><p>Later on that day, once I started feeling better, I began talking to the nymph about my rabbit-bone pan flute and came to the revelation that I didn't know how to play any songs on it. After I had called her "nymph" about twenty times my nymph friend decided that I should start addressing her by her real name, Juniper. Juniper said that she would teach me to play "Alejandro" by Lady Gaga if I'd let her sing along; she sounded terrible and I'm pretty sure she messed up the lyrics because instead of singing 'Alejandro' she would always say the name 'Paul' instead… After the Alejandro mistake I figured out how to play Hoe Down Throwdown by Miley Cyrus by ear, then I began to sing along… I zigzagged across the floor, shuffled in diagonal, then randomly the drum hit so I put my hands on my hips, then I took one foot and did a one eighty twist; once that was finished I tried again, this time wearing my special Technicolor Raincoat. When I had finished the elaborate dance I looked down to see that my coat was glowing…<p>

* * *

><p>After a few days went by I felt amazing, so amazing that I could just jump off a cliff and survive; well maybe not that but I felt good nonetheless. I nonchalantly took a seat next to Percy in the mess hall since he was feeling good too and I overheard his conversation with some bald girl about a 'quest'. I stuck to Percy like rubber to dirt from that point on, I'm still not too sure what a 'quest' is, but when Percy asked me if I wanted to accompany him and the Brittany Spears impersonator I couldn't decline.<p>

* * *

><p>Percy said that we ought to take a bus to "who-knows-where" since it was relatively cheap. There was silence on the bus, nothing would dare to move until I, Grover Underwood, decided that I would begin the small talk. I gingerly went up to the bald girl and asked her,<p>

"Excuse me, have you noticed that you're bald?" She raised an eyebrow and cocked her head,

"Of course I do, it's a fashion statement," she huffed. Awkward silence once again rained through the bus when there was a thud on the roof. I looked up and saw something come through a crudely made hole, it was Mrs. Dodds, my old math teacher. I cringed as she began to light the bus on fire. Worst part about it was that it was a gasoline fire and I forgot my handy dandy fire extinguisher at home… The gas fire began to spread and soon it had engulfed the roof of the bus as well as the bottom, front, and back, soon we would all be trapped in our fiery doom. The hole with which Mrs. Dodds had emerged soon became engulfed in flames, one of which dropped onto Percy's head catching his wig on fire; he immediately threw his wig onto the ground and began to stomp on it when the bald girl ran up from behind him and dragged him off the bus screaming,

"WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR HAIR!" I grinned, my hypothesis was correct, Percy WAS bald; but now, thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Baldie, or should I say the Howie Mandel and Brittany Spears impersonators, I was stuck with the task of gathering all of the innocent bystanders and leading them off the bus in a calm and orderly fashion. I sat down for a moment so I could ponder how to do so in the most efficient manner but when I looked up again everyone, including the bus driver, was off the bus already. So I began to carefully make my way forward towards the exit and just as I was about to walk down the stairs (using the handrail for safety, I might add) the bus instantly exploded; I flew up into the air but luckily the explosion didn't faze me. I then landed on Percy who cushioned the impact of my fall… mostly; except for the fact that his bald head jammed into my chest and I was struck by a thousand leagues of pain.

* * *

><p>I had gotten up, dusted myself off and looked to Percy and the other bald one for guidance, for all that I knew we were lost in the wild Wyoming wilderness; and yes, I did say Wyoming. Don't listen to Percy, we weren't in New Jersey, we never went to the Jersey Shore nor did we ever meet Snookie, want to know who we did meet? Okay, we met Bob Johnson, cockroach exterminator extraordinaire, living in scenic Jackson Hole, Wyoming; he guided us to the closest source of human life, but we passed it because we didn't see it and kept walking. Nevertheless we just continued to walk forward in the Wyoming wilderness under the blazing heat hoping to find a place to stay and find directions, that's when Percy drank all the water being the son of Poseidon he had to make sure not to dry out… Soon after Percy drank all the water the bald girl got heat stroke, that's when I realized that her name had eluded me, just as Juniper's did; so I began yelling the only thing I could,<p>

"Bald girl, bald girl, are you alright?" She looked up, frustration in her storm grey eyes and she whispered,

"Annabeth," afterward she fainted and I began to panic, but Percy took initiative and said we should drag her to the closest source of human life, which just happened to be Aunty Em's Ascot Emporium. All the while I continued to ponder what 'Annabeth' could mean, what kind of cryptic message was this? All I wanted to know was what her name was…

* * *

><p><strong>Burnt Taco: I hope that you may enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. The first edition of Technicolor Raincoat was kind of bad... Anyways, this is the final result of chapter one! :^D<strong>

**Julie-O: I wrote the first version and it was gramattically awful!**


	2. The Ascot Thief

Technicolor Raincoat

Chapter 2

The Ascot Thief

We, Percy and I that is, dragged the bald girl over to the only source of life for miles around, Aunty Em's Ascot Emporium. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until my tummy began to make rumblies, that's when I realized that I hadn't eaten in days, not since we left Camp Half Blood.

"My meat… My raw meat… It was on the bus that exploded…" I moaned, Percy looked at me and when we walked to the strange building Percy turned to me,

"Where are we?" I stared at him,

"Can't you read? We're at Aunty Em's Ascot Emporium," I replied plainly. _Percy, are you blind? It says right there in that nice glowing neon sign 'Aunty M's Ascot Emporium'…Weird-o… _As we went inside the bald girl began to stir, I hit her on the head to make her stop moving. The _last_ thing I wanted was for the person I was dragging to be squirming around. I looked at the front door and I saw two jell-o sculptures, judging from their purple color I realized that they were grape flavor. My favorite. As I continued to examine them I felt a familiarity coming from the jell-o…

"Hey, this one looks like my Uncle Ferdinand, immortalized in grape jell-o, with his head eaten off." We continued on into the inside of the building where we saw more jell-o sculptures, but many of these had ascots on around their necks. All except one, who had a scarf. "Okay, these things are looking at me," I said, "they're freaking me out and I smell monsters, let's leave."

"Your nose is being plugged up by Mrs. Dodd's old lady funk," Percy frowned, "all I smell is Mexican food. Aren't you hungry?"

"**MEXICAN FOOD**! I _hate_ Mexican food, _especially_ enchiladas!" I said, disgust filling my very core.

"I'm sure there will be meat inside to make the Mexican food with that you can eat –" Percy began, I interrupted him,

"**MEAT**!** I **_**LOVE**_** MEAT**! **ESPECIALLY IF IT'S **_**RAW**_; but I sill think we better leave, those jell-o sculptures feel like they're looking at me." I added in a whisper, "Mainly the one's without the heads…" Before I could mention to leave the bald girl behind the door opened a crack and out stepped this random, bald Middle Easter woman. She made me nervous, you know, there are tensions between us and them right now… She was covered in a veil, a burka. She looked at us all, eyeing us carefully, taking no notice to the passed out bald girl,

"Children, it is too late to be out all alone. Where are your parents?" I looked at her and said enthusiastically,

"We're orphans!"

"Orphans? Surely not, my dears," Percy stepped in this time, his lying skills were something I was envious of sometimes,

"We got separated from our caravan," he started. "Our circus caravan. The ringmaster told us to meet him at the gas station if we got lost, but he may have forgotten, or maybe he meant a different gas station. Anyway, we're lost. Is that food I smell?" The lady invited us inside her shop, telling us her name was 'Aunty Em'. The whole place smelled of Mexican food. Disgusting.

The bald girl was helped and came back to life, unfortunately; and the Mexican food was put onto the table for us. I stared at the woman, while Mr. and Mrs. Baldie gorged themselves,

"May I have some raw meat instead? I hate Mexican food." Aunty Em brought me out a plate full of meat and I smiled, the bald girl reached over and I swatted her hand away,

"No, bald girl," I said calmly, "get your own." Although we didn't have any money I was prepared to run away when the idea of having us pay a bill came up.

"So, you have a nice as–" I started, but I looked away before I could finish, when I looked back Percy was glaring at me, " –cot." I finally finished. Awkward silence. I continued, "Do you only sell jell-o sculptures with ascots around their necks?"

"Yes, animals and people and many other things, jell-o is popular among children nowadays. I also get cravings during that time of the _century_." The detail in the jell-o sculptures was incredible, but the part that was the most incredible was… the ascot around each one's neck. I proposed that we leave now and get back to our 'ringmaster' before he became 'worried'. Before she allowed us to leave Aunty Em decided that she wanted a picture to remember us by, and being the naïve little children we were, we agreed. Aunty Em positioned us in a way that suited her liking, with the bald girl in the center and Percy and I on opposite ends.

"Smile big," Aunty Em exclaimed, "since the face is always the most important part!" I kept thinking about that jell-o sculpture without its head, and finally I decided,

"That was my Uncle Ferdinand out there!" Then the bald girl put on a hat and vanished, like in Lord of the Rings, then I felt something push me down and I felt a pain in my chest. It was bruised from when Percy's bald head had jammed into it causing a thousand leagues of pain. Percy reached into his pocket and pulled out a twistable colored pencil, twisting it I saw it transform into a sword. I fell to the ground and for once, Percy was the hero because I'd tripped and fell. I don't know what had happened but after I fell I just got up and ran. I ran as far away from Percy as possible, that boy was a bad luck magnet. The next thing I remember of Percy was him holding up the bald head of Aunty Em by the eyebrows, which were _**snakes**_! He explained that she was Medusa and Medusa didn't turn people into stone, she had explained that "stone was so cold and lifeless and that jell-o was so much nicer since you could eat it," and that you were not to look the head in the eyes unless you wanted to be jell-o. We rummaged around her shop and found a box, which Percy sent to the Gods on Olympus with Medusa's head inside… While Percy did that I grabbed an armful of ascots and sent them back to Juniper, my handlebar mustached angel. That's right, I was The Ascot Thief.

* * *

><p><strong>So, it took a while but The Ascot Thief is finally complete! Did you think that Grover was going to be The Ascot Thief? I did not. I realized at the end after writing the whole chapter that we didn't have enough ascot, so I added that part and it fit. Good things come from my accidents, good things. Guess who did <em>NOT<em> write a grammatically incorrect version this time? That's right, Julie-O! Okay, bye bye!  
>~The Authors<strong>


	3. Moop and Pooba the Muggers

Technicolor Raincoat

Chapter 3

Moop and Pooba the Muggers' Fantastic Voyage

We found ourselves at the American border with Mexico, or as the Greeks called it: The Elysian Fields. As always, I was wearing my Technicolor Raincoat even though it was 105˚.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot my passport, señor," Percy said to the wonderful, bald, American man at the border. I reached into my Rasta cap and pulled out a passport waving it in Percy's face,

"In your face, Howie Mandel!" I looked up and saw the bald girl pull out a passport from the depths of her shirt.

"That's right, we both have them, and _**YOU**_ don't!"

"I'll meetcha on the other side!" Percy said slyly, not making eye contact with "señor". I walked through the customs, while the people in the cars passing us gave me strange looks like, "what the hell is wrong with that bald kid…?" Baldy and I passed to the other side of the Elysian Fields and decided to camp out until Howie Mandel came over the border. Which might be a while…

* * *

><p>5am. I am going to KILL Percy. I was sleeping peacefully, dreaming about my darling Juniper when Percy shook me awake. I looked at him; he had managed to sneak his way past "señor" without him noticing, and that happened to be at 5am. Percy had to sneak past "señor" while he was taking a siesta or to put it more accurately while he was taking a dormir. A very long siesta. I glared at Percy for disrupting my beautiful dream about Juniper, but I did not get the chance to yell at him because he had walked away to bug the bald girl, who's name I still did not know.<p>

* * *

><p>The group and I, the leader, made our way to Mexico City. We wandered the streets looking for something of interest to catch our eyes. I held under my hat and atop my head a bag with 57 pesos exact in it. I looked down the dark alleyways and then to Percy and baldy,<p>

"Let's go down this way," I said bluntly. The bald girl decided to question my motives, "You have no say in this democracy!" I screeched back. "I guess we've all agreed; we're going down this dark and scary alleyway!" Walking into the alley we came across two curious looking fellows. One, a red haired young gentleman with a headband and midriff revealing clothing. The other a brunette clad in brown. Both of them had nametags with their names on them: which were Moop and Pooba, Moop being Midriff and Pooba being the other guy, so let's call them midriff and _other guy_. Midriff looked to _other guy_, they spoke something in a language I did not understand, then _other guy_ turned his head towards us. The two of them exchanged glances once more and advanced towards us, I noticed that midriff was holding a waterpot. A red waterpot with a white heart on the side and that _other guy_ over there happened to be holding another waterpot. A rainbow waterpot. I looked at him,

"Your waterpot happens to match my raincoat. You trying to copy my style?" _Other guy_ looked to Midriff, Midriff looked to me, I looked to _other guy_. _Other guy_ gasped and threw the waterpot at Percy's bald head. Percy dodged and the waterpot rebounded off the brick wall to our immediate right and hit me in the butt. I have no idea how that waterpot did that. It must be a Mystery Waterpot. _Other guy_ reached into his rucksack and pulled out a sword. I grabbed Percy's shoulder and pushed him in front of me and used him as a meat shield. _Other guy_ then proceeded to reach into Percy's pocket and grab his wallet to steal the pesos he had gotten in exchange for his $2.50.

"That's what you get for keeping your wallet in your pocket," I scoffed. I immediately reached to my left and shoved the Brittany Spears wannabe in front of me as I ran away from the scene, only to run into a large Mexican man with one eye and a Chihuahua. I then proceeded to zigzag across the road, shuffle in diagonal, then, the drum once again hit and I put my hands on my hips, and finally I did a 180 twist all while avoiding my assailant. My raincoat began to glow and I charged at him and when the timing was right I ran to my immediate left avoiding him at all costs. Mr. Mexican Cyclops and his Chihuahua proceeded to chase after me and I continued to run away,

"No hablo español!" The man kept on my tail until I tripped on a crack in the road. I fell on my face and began to kick and scream.

* * *

><p>After we had been mugged by Moop and Pooba the muggers and I had my traumatic experience with Mr. Mexican Cyclops, I awoke in a dark, dank, musty room with the windows boarded up and only a bed in the middle. The bed wasn't even that big, it was a twin. I was lying on the ground and Mr. Mexican Cyclops was standing over me, his large brown eye staring into mine. Looking around I noticed that Bald Girl had gotten the twin bed and Percy was standing in the corner, sulking over the loss of his wallet and few pesos. I began to scream and Mr. Mexican Cyclops said something in a language I did not understand,<p>

"No hay necesidad de gritar, todos somos amigos. Soy Tyson, este es me amiga, el perro señora O'Leary." Mr. Mexican Cyclops smiled; I felt fear welling up in my stomach; of maybe that was just vomit? I might have eaten some bad apple pie back in New Mexico a few days ago.

"We're taking the Mexican with us," Percy spat in my direction. Was he still sore about me using him as a meat shield back when we were being mugged?

* * *

><p>It seems Mr. Mexican Cyclops, or Tyson, is coming along with us on our journey to find whatever it is we're finding. We made our way to Oaxaca, how we made it there in so little time is beyond me.<p>

"What are we doing?" I asked,

"We're looking for Zeus' Lightning Bolt. It was stolen," the bald girl said. Nobody spoke after that. Not even the Mexican. Until we came upon a beach. A mystery beach. On the Oaxacan beach we saw a wimpy-looking, nerdy, gangly, gross person just hanging out on the beach with his grotesque girlfriend. We approached them, we being Percy, Baldy, Mr. Mexican Cyclops and his dog, and myself.

"Who are you?" I cried; the gangly gross man turned to look at me with his bespectacled face.

"I am Ares," he replied, his voice nasally. "This is Aphrodite," he gestured to the grotesque _thing_ next to him. It was a morbidly obese woman with a _mole_. My respect for Aphrodite dropped 78,652 points.

"Say what? You don't look like much of a 'God of War' to me, buddy." I said back.

"I'm the God of _World of _War_craft_." I was at a loss of words; Ares reached into his pocket and got out a lightsaber from Star Wars. Percy got out his twistable colored pencil and I began my elaborate dance with my Technicolor Raincoat. It began to glow and I charged at Ares,

"RAW MEAT!" Percy jabbed the grotesque girlfriend, otherwise known as Aphrodite, and I tackled Ares to the ground. Baldy, Tyson, and the dog stayed behind, witnessing my awesomeness. Ares staggered to the ground and Aphrodite covered her left eye, which Percy had jabbed. From Ares' pocket protector fell a paper clip and when it hit the ground a bolt of electricity flew up. I understood that it must have been Zeus' Lightning Bolt. I reached for it and was dealt a shock. Zeus' Lightning Bolt was statically charged!

* * *

><p>We had accomplished our supposed 'mission', which I never knew existed. I just tagged along on this 'quest' for the glory and bragging rights. When I get home I can brag to all the other super elite satyrs that <em>I<em> went on a quest and _they_ didn't! Achievement Unlocked. I looked back,

"So, which way is Olympus…?"

* * *

><p><strong>Technicolor Raincoat's version of Book 2 will be out eventually. XP<strong>


End file.
